upon the waters

i want to live a walk-on-water kind of life.

"When evening came, he [Jesus] was there alone, but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

"Come," he said.

- Matthew 14:23-29

The Jews divided the night into four watches, each lasting three hours. Jesus sent his disciples out on the lake at dusk and prayed by himself until the fourth watch- about 3 in the morning. In this darkest part of the night, he walked out on the water against the wind and waves to join his friends. He knew they would be afraid and he was prepared to answer them. Peter challenges Jesus by asking to join Him outside the comfort of the boat, and Jesus beckons him.

What does this look like for me? Jesus calls me to go out and live abundantly. That includes the sunset boat rides with friends and the unknown of the darkness. He is thinking about me in the good and bad times and makes his presence known to me at just the right moments. And when i question Him and tell him to instruct me, He responds- with answers better than anything i could concoct.

"Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" - Matthew 14:30

Thank you, Peter, for stepping out of the boat.

i'm picturing it rocking and him swinging his leg over then shifting his weight as he realizes he isn't sinking. That adrenaline rush. He's a normal guy who just asked Jesus for something impossible. But then the second his focus shifts to the logistics of the situation, he forgets the endless boundaries of the Lord's power and he falls. This mirrors what happens when we try to do things on our own. Imagine being in that position and keeping your eyes locked on Jesus.. That is my goal every day. Like Peter i get distracted and lose my footing, but praise Him for the immeasurable mercy He shows me. 

"Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him." - Matthew14:31

Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) - [Hillsong United]

you call me out upon the waters, the great unknown

my feet may fail

and there i find you in the mystery, in oceans deep

my faith will stand

and i will call upon your name and keep my eyes above the waves

when oceans rise my soul will rest in your embrace

for i am yours and you are mine

Spirit lead me when my trust is without borders

let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me

take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

and my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my Savior

i will call upon your name and keep my eyes above the waves

my soul will rest in your embrace for i am yours and you are mine

"and i will walk on water
and You will catch me if i fall
and i will get lost into your eyes
i know everything will be alright"
[Storm- Lifehouse]

beyond our understanding

"Look up at the heavens and see;

gaze at the clouds so high above you. 

If you sin, how does that affect him?

If you are righteous, what do you give to him,

or what does he receive from your hand?"

- Job 35:5-7

Nothing. That's the answer. He is so much bigger than our sin, and we have nothing to offer Him. But how relieving is that? Our Father is different from all other gods because of this: He is constant and He does not need us to accomplish His master plan. Gaze at the clouds so high above you and realize how small you are. Realize how good He is. The skies proclaim His glory (Psalm 19:1) even amidst all the destruction of our world. In the chapter above, Elihu is speaking to Job about his individual sin but this can also be spoken to humanity. Sin and evil and chaos abound but our King is unaffected. It makes me think of the explosions in Boston and West, Texas. Both intentional and accidental, God reigns over all.

"God is mighty, but does not despise men; he is mighty, and firm in his purpose."

- Job 36:5

 He allows things to happen, but only out of love. Because if he put a stop to all evil, that would leave us as His puppets and not individuals who think on their own. He loves us so much that he allows us to choose to love him, rather than forcing us to! But giving us that choice means allowing sin to remain in the world. What human could come up with something like this? He has a plan beyond our capacity of understanding: a plan that man could never create. That's why people doubt and run from Him- we're sinners and we don't understand.

"But those who suffer he delivers in their suffering;

he speaks to them in their affliction."

- Job 36:15

Deliverance: rescue, relief; liberation

Words of comfort in a time where so many are hurting. 

My prayer is that we can be still, listen, and seek Him.

"He is wooing you from the jaws of distress

to a spacious place free from restriction,

to the comfort of your table laden with choice food."

- Job 36:16

God does not orchestrate the chaos that surrounds us but he does provide shelter from it, and before the ashes even settle he makes good things happen. He is always victorious over satan.

"Beware of turning to evil, which you seem to prefer to affliction."
- Job 36:21

Satan entices us with alternatives even when we know better. Jesus suffered so much for us and we are on this planet to live for Him, even if that means suffering for Him. Elihu says beware: this is our warning. Better to temporarily endure earthly afflictions than turn your back on our Savior. So i pray for the ignorant, those who don't know better, and i pray for the disobedient- those who do know and choose what appears easier.

"Who is a teacher like him?"
- Job 36:22

Not Ghandi or Buddha; they fit earthly descriptions of spiritual leaders. i heard a quote that declared that no religious leader other than Jesus made people cry "crucify him!" This is because He didn't fit the mold of what man expected our Savior to display. Because God doesn't play by our rules.

"How great is God– beyond our understanding!"
- Job 36:26

We cannot grasp His goodness until we arrive home.

season of singing

"Flowers appear on the earth;

the season of singing has come"

-Song of Songs 2:12

When Annie and i decided to search Houston for bluebonnets over Easter weekend, our first attempt failed but we ended up on a short, Narnia-like path into a huge field surrounded by trees. For two 19-year-old girls, this blanket of purple flowers in the late-afternoon sun was quite a treasure. They weren't bluebonnets, but we decided to pause our search anyway. Annie loves flowers, i love photography, and we both love pita chips so naturally we had a picnic and photo shoot. The best part was the conversation we shared. In this place where the Wind was the only movement, we were able to be still. And in a moment of simple brilliance as she carried around her purple, yellow and white bouquet, Annie said, "it's crazy how fast they wilt when they're cut off from their source of life." And we looked at each other and realized the unintentional depth of her statement. In John 15, Jesus tells it how it is.

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 

He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, 

while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes 

so that it will be even more fruitful...

Remain in me, and I will remain in you...

If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; 

apart from me you can do nothing."

Annie plucked those flowers from their life source and we watched them wither in no time. It reminds me of how thankful i am for the gift of Jesus from our Father. Through Him we have life, something that's been drilled into me forever but i heard differently this Easter season. It's easy to fall under the delusion that we can do it alone, but He's in control and every good and perfect gift is from above (James 1:17) so us taking credit for our accomplishments is just silly. Together God and i can do anything so i choose to remain in Him and let Him prune [trim; shape] me to become the best version of myself.

"For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. For, 'All men are like grass, and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; the grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord stands forever.'" - 1 Peter 1:23-25

We can be connected to the Vine or we can try to do life on our own.

 Today, right now, we are living or we are dying. 

It's our choice, and the season of singing has come.

{two days later we found our bluebonnets}

dream of miracles, knock with confidence

"Be earnest and unwearied and steadfast in your prayer, being both alert and intent with thanksgiving." 
- Colossians 4:2

God has been teaching me a lot about prayer these days. It's amazing how literally the Bible should be taken, because when it says, "knock and it will be opened to you" (Matthew 7:7), the truth is revealed of how simple it is. i can discuss every little thought in my head with my Father, and it's always nice to have someone to share things with who will perpetually listen and never grow tired of that. i've realized that it's a day-by-day thing too. There are days when i wake up and thank God, first thing, for that upcoming day, which sets the tone so much differently than the mornings i step out of bed without saying hi to Him. As i walk with Jesus throughout the day, i love giving him credit for littlest things, and i see that "being both alert and intent with thanksgiving" is so rewarding because He opens my eyes to gifts i can enjoy that normally i would overlook.

As for Paul's command to be "earnest and unwearied and steadfast," i have found this
wonderfully challenging and exhausting.

earnest: resulting from intense conviction; zealous

unwearied: persisting tirelessly; indefatigable

steadfast: resolutely or dutifully firm and unwavering; constant

My close friend Elizabeth had her third head surgery last week, and i got to experience a beautiful picture of community and faith because of her. Another friend put together a prayer chain email so that we could spread the news of her surgery and ask everyone we know and love to pray. It was so cool to see how people responded and how some loved Elizabeth without even knowing her, like my small group and my Young Life team. To sum it up, Elizabeth's head problems have haunted her for years and prevented her from her full potential of life. Two surgeries didn't work and this third was was basically it. We didn't care what the odds were, we just knew that our God could make this happen if we asked and believed. i had never fervently prayed for a miracle, but doing this for Elizabeth I felt so much confidence that the Lord knows what He's doing and He hears our requests. If we express our desires in prayer, He will fuel them and allow us to be zealous and dutifully firm.

"Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God." - Philippians 4:6

Elizabeth's surgery went well and she's healing now. It will be awhile before she knows if the procedure worked but for now we will just keep praying for a miracle. It was so special for me to get to see her radiant smile the day after, despite the eight incision marks on her face and the batman-looking, medically-advanced ice packs and gadgets surrounding her. Despite everything she had been through, she kind of resembles Job [see previous post]. She trusts that the Lord will use her for His glory so she stays strong and optimistic. And this has been such a blessing for me– who has never experienced such a physical pain and given it to God. That's the thing about knocking, because when God opens the door we don't know what will be on the other side. All we know is that we can trust Him to guide us as we step over the threshold into what He's prepared, in response to our request.

"It would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." - C.S. Lewis

We all need to open our eyes to God's limitless capabilities, and open our hearts to trust His intricately woven plan to bring us home. To paradise, better than a holiday at the sea.

she's beautiful.