It's good to be back in Austin, Texas. The new apartment is coming along nicely, even though my nine roommates and i have almost no time to finish decorating it. {yes, i have nine roommates and they're all incredible girls} Anyway, the transition from camp life to here has been so fast-paced that i think my mind is struggling to catch up to my feet..
At Windy Gap, God taught me about humility. i've been praying for months that He would reveal my sin to me and to be honest i didn't see it for a long time which frustrated me. His timing was perfect though, like usual, and He unveiled my eyes to see into my heart some deep filth that kept me from Him.
In the past i've associated pride with guys, because it seems masculine and cocky, but wow i'm so glad i can see now that pride is not limited to that. {it's repulsive and life-sucking} i realized that thoughts i sometimes wasn't even conscious of were the opposite of how Jesus– the King of the world– thought of himself and others.
"In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something
to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness." - Philippians 2:5-7
^He didn't have to do that. But perfect Love drove Him to be small. Jesus was setting an example for how we should view ourselves– not so that we feel insignificant, but that we share in His complete joy.
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| Small. Windy Gap. Sweet Justice Photography. |
Multiple times a day at summer staff i saw how highly i thought of myself and how proud i was of "my" accomplishments, "my" reputation, blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong, i did give God the glory some of the time, but i was not near as small in my head as i should've been. Intentions are tricky, and i'm frighteningly good at manipulating myself to believe my intentions are pure and genuine when usually there is personal gain involved.
Thankfully God answered my prayers; He allowed me to catch myself in these moments of self-love, and He brought me to my knees in surrender. Oh how i long to be more like Jesus, who humbled himself by becoming obedient to death when He actually had power over death! {Philippians 2:8}
i've fallen in love with being small. The special thing is that you can be small and still be funny, loved, known, a leader. That's exactly how Jesus did it! And it made people feel important and worthy of love. So it's a win-win! The smaller i am, the better others feel about themselves and the better i feel about myself. Because like i said, God intended this for our own good.
So now my prayer is this:
God please don't let me view myself higher than i ought, but let me be small and in return let people see You and your Joy in me. Give me the desire and ability to love well and have the mindset of Christ Jesus. Continue to bring me to my knees in humble adoration of your Love. Amen.
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| transformed by the renewing of my mind. Sweet Justice Photography. |