Last Thursday i almost went downtown but instead i went to my precious friend's house and laid on her roof, eating ice cream and talking. The kind of talking that awakens even the sleepiest mood and makes you think.. but is also effortless. The night showed me that i'd been rushing through the last couple weeks, and it also revealed a lot about why i've felt so drained lately.
i was romanced by Jesus last autumn, and that fire burned relentlessly all year. After a summer full of adventures, new friendships and a lot of learning, i came back to Austin and quickly grew internally complacent. As soon as Chi-O recruitment ended, i found myself going days without desiring to read my Bible and memorize scripture [both which i had been PUMPED about this summer].
i also found myself focusing inward a lot, not in a narcissistic way but through my prayers and thoughts i dwelled on my weaknesses. God answered my prayer this summer to reveal my sin to me [Romans 3:20], but then praying for my areas of improvement almost consumed me. Because there are a lot of them.
"'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9
God's power shining through my failure? Time to boast! i am selfish, envious, deceitful, materialistic, prideful. i compare, lie, judge, gossip, manipulate. And even more.. but i think that was vulnerable enough to get the point across. Why dwell when we can rejoice?
"if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." - john 8:36
And that's exactly what He's done for me.
So beyond rejoicing at the grace that comes from Christ (and frees me from the weight of my yuckiness), i can spend time praying for others too. i'm called to do that, in fact, for my own benefit– it teaches my heart to be both light and heavy for others.
Last Thursday, God unveiled my eyes to an immediate purpose He has for me. He made me feel needed by girls around me [even though i know He's more than capable without me] and for that reason i will pour myself into serving those needs and praying for others.
