Beautiful Outlaw is a book everyone should read.
So thankful my brother got me to pick it up; it really has changed how I see and adore Jesus as a man. Towards the end, John Eldredge challenges religious fog that covers churches, etc., and he says this:
"Members can explain to you theories of the atonement, or seven steps to success, but can't name one intimate encounter they've had with Jesus... You can talk about sunshine and live your life underground; you can even go to the sea but never dive in..."
..at first I panicked because I was coming up blank on moments when I felt Jesus' presence, but when I remembered one, a whole bunch of memories came flooding back where the same Spirit that filled me was undeniably Jesus. Warning, this is personal but I'm not sharing this to say, "Look at me, I'm not like the people who preach Jesus without knowing him." I list these because they're simple and they really do bring me absolute JOY to think about.
There are cool stories behind some of them too.
I experienced my Jesus...
- in the wind at YL area retreat
- on somebody's shoulders at Passion Pit at ACL
- no hands, night-riding the ruckus
- whenever it rains really hard
- my surprise party
- running down Harris street in cowboy boots
- driving through Tennessee at sunset
- on senior night at CPYL club
- putting Jane, Jack and Katherine to bed
- on a spontaneous ranch stop driving to Austin
- having a glass of wine with my mom on the patio
- snorkeling in Costa Rica
- watching the sunshine spread over the morning on Wilderness
- watching the rainclouds part around us on Wilderness
- during my all-nighter, alone in my apartment
Well, for that last one I wasn't alone in my apartment. Jesus was definitely there too. And this is my journal entry from that date at 4:41am.
God what do you have for me? why am i wide awake and so past desperate that i'm not even trying to sleep now?
So desperate that i got on twitter and tweeted about not sleeping. (lol) then i made a to-do list, got on tumblr, planned team meeting and listened to the whole Penny and Sparrow album. Then as I lay in the dark asking "WHY," a friend texted me saying she couldn't sleep either. what. So i asked her what was on her mind because i figured maybe you would speak through her. She said she was reading a book on prayer– "how God tells us he'll give us whatever we ask.. I think God wants us to open that door of trust and communication, so that he can get in our hearts and make our desires his."
God I am thankful for her. Thanks for using her to get me to turn on my light and be with you. It's kinda cool how you did this. Randomly my roommate is gone, which allows me to turn on my lamp and not go insane laying quietly in my dark maze of thoughts. Your ways are a mystery, they are limitless, and i thank you for letting me see you in this moment.
There are pages of writing after this. Many small realizations, cries for help, praises and questions. I hadn't given Him enough time in my day, so he woke me up in the night because he desperately loves me.
You are honest, playful, fiercely intentional, so completely human and simultaneously divine, extravagantly generous, liberating, cunning, humble, true, beautiful, scandalous. And i'm in love with you.
Thanks for this realization at 5:43am.
How great is it– that our God is so intimate, so jealous for us, he will do whatever it takes to be with his kids. Not by force though; and He'll wait patiently if we ignore his little nudges. I pray he never ever stops nudging me and never stops giving me these moments that remind me how close he is.
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