branded

"Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit"

- Ephesians 1:13

The Holy Spirit is God in us; what a beautiful brand. 

A tattoo on our souls. 

A mark of eternal belongingness.

An internal comfort, like sipping hot chocolate.

A loud nudge, like a racing heartbeat.

A quiet calm that gives us chills.

A guiding light that allows us to see.

A gentle wind that makes us still.

"The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." - John 3:8

The greek word for wind is the same for spirit and is also used for breath. Since these are synonymous, we should use them as interchangeable reminders. My immediate reaction to wind is usually to feel cold or wish it would stop messing up my hair.. kind of makes me sound like a diva. Or sometimes my reaction is different, like if i have all the windows down and a good song on in the car. Then the wind adds to my happy mood and makes me feel alive.

So then that's also the Spirit making me feel alive. Why can't i always see it this way? It's easy to mistake the Spirit in us as just our own thoughts or a guilty conscious. i wish i was better at obeying the Spirit, because that would mean more windows-down-and-fresh-air joy. The Holy Spirit is promised to us, it's a gift. It's a part of the Trinity, aka 

GOD our Father who became flesh and now lives in us. 

"For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord, who is the Spirit, makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image." 

- 2 Corinthians 3:17-18

Earlier i said the Holy Spirit is a guiding light that allows us to see. This verse puts it perfectly! We have a veil over our heads (or i see it as a lens covering our eyes) and the Spirit is what has the power to remove that and allow us to see God's glory. It shines so bright that when we finally see it, it reflects off of us and that's how we are changed into his glorious image. 

Another cool reference that comes to mind when i think about the Holy Spirit is Sarayu's portrayal in William P. Young's, The Shack.

"'Speaking of Sarayu, is she the Holy Spirit?'

'Yes. She is Creativity; she is Action; she is the Breathing of Life; she is much more. She is my [Jesus'] Spirit.'

'And her name, Sarayu?'

'That is a simple name from one of our human languages. It means, 'Wind,' a common wind actually. She loves that name.'" (pg. 110)

Creativity, Action, Breathing of Life. All God-like, yet within our capabilities. This is what we are promised when we choose Jesus and his Freedom. We get branded– like my Bible which wears the brand of Wilderness Ranch, a Young Life camp, so i will never forget my amazing week spent there with Jesus in the mountains. We get branded with the breathing of abundant life, and we should never forget it.

in the calm

A week ago two friends and i drove to College Station to go to a Breakaway girls event. Breakaway is a weekly gathering where thousands of Texas A&M students come together to worship and listen to the truth be taught. Being in one place with a thousand girls was special and pure. One song caught my attention but didn't sink in until after the message
when the band came back to the stage. The lyric said something about
having hope although darkness may be ahead.

i realized that i had been hearing this message a lot lately. Why would i notice something like that? The scary part was that the first image that came to mind was my brothers. Dan and Matt are twins, sophomores in high school, and probably some of my best friends in the world. Thinking of darkness coming and then seeing them was not comforting and i was suddenly gripped by fear. i knew that God sometimes gives us periods of joy and growth and simplicity in order to prepare us for a time of struggle and i instantly began to cling to my peace. This must be the calm before the storm.. i was so sad to think that. My fear for my brothers snowballed and made me realize they're closest to my heart in this world. What if something happened to one of them and i had failed them as a sister? As i've matured, i now see death as a victory, but this burden was physically weighing me down. i had never feared the future like this before.

Later that night i was able to talk to a wise friend and together, with the Lord totally guiding our conversation, we came to somewhat of a conclusion. Fear is not something God puts in us. He commands us over and over in the Bible, "Do not fear." Around 365 times in fact.. enough for every day of the year. Perhaps satan was trying to attack me in such a holy moment, because i felt like this coming trouble was in my control and i was losing my hold on it and there was nothing i could do. There's both a lie and a truth there. Nothing is in my control, praise God for that. Every day i need to surrender, open my hands and give the reins to my Father because here is the truth: there is nothing i can do on my own. All i can do is let go and allow God to direct my path. i need to be thankful for this calm because it is a blessing and i did nothing to deserve it! How can i be so selfish that i deny His commands and hold tight to what i think is best
when He is the creator of eternity?

The day after i got back to Austin, i received the daily text from my church at home.

"The Gospel (good news) is that we can trust in what God has done for us in Jesus
 and we need not fear death."

My mom sent me this Dolly Parton quote without knowing my struggle.
Funny how God uses people to send us messages.

It will be interesting to see what comes now. God might have used my moment of weakness in College Station just to remind me of who is in control. Who knows if something is actually coming that will wreck my pretty little world, but by the grace of God i can say that i will cling only to Him, and glorify Him all the way till i make it home.

Thankful to love on Dan and Matt and be their only big sis in the world. Photo by Annie Whitehead.

my liberating embrace.

i thought i had a lot of things figured out when i graduated high school, which i'd say isn't out of the ordinary. i thought i knew who i was, thought i was living for Jesus, thought i had fullness of joy, thought i knew a lot about the Bible, and thought i knew why i was going to college.

Well God thought i was only tiptoeing along the shore of His ocean of love so He beckoned me to run and dive in, and that's what i did. A couple nights before i left for Austin i was restless, maybe anxious; definitely not settled or confident. After trying to read and listen to music, 

i began to quietly pray.

"God, wrap me in your arms."

Over and over. It still gives me chills to say those words. God used that prayer to comfort me, heal me, quiet my nerves, strengthen my heart. Romance me.

The idea of being wrapped in the arms of my Creator is unreal to me. His hold is firm and resolute, yet gentle, gracious. i picture myself softly scooping up a baby chick or something.. and then think of how much more lovingly He does it. He's got me.

College means freedom, individuality, responsibility, exploration, growth. Diving in with reckless abandon means heading full-speed for the cross and allowing God to direct my path. i finally overcame my idol of earthly acceptance and felt satisfied in His love.

"It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea." - C.S. Lewis

A holiday at the sea! This is the offer i finally chose to accept, and it has been the most rewarding experience of my life. i made a promise to myself last semester which includes the statement, "i will focus on Jesus with all my heart." It's crazy how i thought i knew what that meant in high school but it looks completely different now. i'm enthralled by Him! Everything i do should stem from Love: the Spirit living in my heart that motivates me and encourages me. In the conversations i have with friends my mind relates things back to Jesus and a lot of questions have simple, clear answers to me because of the focus i strive for every day. My joy has exceeded what i ever thought imaginable, because the Lord's embrace has taught me the secret of being content no matter if i am in plenty or wanting (Philippians 4). Who knew that a true thirst for the Bible results in so much happiness and fullness. Quenching that thirst is like coming up out of God's ocean and deeply breathing in the cleanest air in the world. 

Refreshing. Vital. Free. That's why He is my liberating embrace.

Before, i loved Jesus. 
Now, i'm in love with Jesus.

Will Reagan & United Pursuit says it well in their song Through and Through.

i find that i'm safe and warm

in your loving arms.

You see me,

and you know me,

and you love me through and through.

Dear Daughter by Sara Davis, y'all. Good stuff.

the gift of community

"These are the only Jews among my fellow workers for the kingdom of God, 

and they have proved a comfort to me." - Colossians 4:11

i finished reading Colossians today and although the fourth and final chapter is short, there's a lot that can be taken from it. Something that caught my attention contradicts what is currently being drilled into my head these days. It was a nice reminder. "My fellow workers... have proved a comfort to me." So much of Jesus' three years of ministry was spent with people whom Pharisees and spiritual leaders wouldn't associate with, but He always had his disciples– his crew of normal guys that learned to trust each other and experience life's miracles and mistakes together. There's a pretty obvious hint there, that even the King of the universe continually built community here on earth. Community means more than one "worker" gathering, listening, loving and challenging each other in God's name (Proverbs 27:9, James 5:16).

Coming into college i decided UT would be a great place to get out of my "comfort zone" regarding new people, places and parties. i ended up in a sorority where i saw girls able to pour into me but also where i could pour myself out. We aren't called to this world to be comfortable; we're called to go out and be bold for the Kingdom, but that doesn't mean we have to do it alone. i'm talking about getting so wrapped up in the mission of bringing others to Jesus that we forget to replenish our souls through fellowship. We should be aware that a safe zone can lead to complacency, but finding people that can provide safety is not wrong. We should constantly work to build new relationships founded upon the Lord but also keep up with the community He has given us– with people racing toward the cross at our same pace or faster.

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." - Proverbs 27:17

"Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice." - Proverbs 27:9

Listening and challenging are two of the most important aspects of a trusted friend. Someone who will never grow weary of listening and who will look at your life's struggles as something to tackle together. Someone who knows your strengths and weaknesses– who will want to raise your standards, push your limits, aid your failures, 
and grow your gifts.

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." - James 5:16

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." 
- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Photo by Mason Meador.

In a side note, and giving all the glory to God, i'm excited to say the scriptures i mentioned here all came to mind when i finished Colossians 4 and began writing. No aimless flipping through the Bible or typing "friendship verse" on Google, which has happened before, but my thirst for scriptural knowledge has started proving itself to be worth the work.. in many areas of my life! i easily relate daily situations to my brain's growing files of Truth. It doesn't take a super smart person or a seminary student to learn this stuff, just someone who recognizes a need for wisdom beyond our human capacity.

defending the gospel

i felt unsettled yesterday as i passed the man standing at the busy edge of campus shouting at students. i couldn't hear him over the sounds of the street behind him but the message i did receive made my heart stop. Two older women sat to the side of him holding signs that read "you deserve hell" and "outside of marriage and homo-sex: all lust no love." My friends and i stood and watched for a couple minutes and i could feel the pounding inside me that has been happening when i know the Spirit is moving there. i had seen people on campus before, yelling "repent" at the students who scurried by and laughed or rolled their eyes. 

But i had never involved myself before.

Confrontational evangelism. That was her answer when i asked the woman what they were doing. "Being 'in your face', telling kids that sin means hell." She had traveled all over the country doing it for 34 years, and when i (respectfully) asked if she had ever seen a student come to Jesus she said once a "homo" had accepted Christ. When my friend asked the other woman about her "you deserve hell" sign, i heard her respond defensively with "Do you know what the book of Acts is about?" i was getting overwhelmed at the situation but felt strangely calm at the same time.

"Whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more 

in knowledge and depth of insight..." - Philippians 1:7-9

The woman knew more scripture than i did, and she made sure i was aware of that. A couple other students gathered and the tension increased. When i saw that the back of her sign said "Jesus saves" i asked why she didn't show that side. i said that her sign made it sound like there was no answer to our problem. She said it wasn't that easy and the students like me needed to hear the cold, hard truth. She asked if i lived in sin, and when i replied that i sin every day but strive to live for Jesus, she called me a hypocrite and told me i deserved hell too. When i agreed that i deserve hell she didn't know what to say, except that she hadn't sinned in years. Don't we all sin and fall short of the glory of God? Isn't that why Jesus came, so that we might accept His grace and live a life eternally with Him? She told me to repent like she had long ago, and then i might be a Christian.. i told her i was already saved, and that i repent every day, praying for God to reveal my sins to me in order that i would grow from it. i believe that the closer to Jesus we become, the more important it is to repent– not the less we need to. Because we can see just how broken we are and how great He is, and we are convicted to put old ways behind us. If she is without sin, doesn't that disqualify Jesus: the perfect sacrifice and only answer powerful enough to cover our human failures? i told her i respected her desire to spread the gospel, but that it seemed to be lacking the undeniable love that Jesus radiated. Sure, Jesus received responses similar to the cussing and hand signs i saw happening, but He did not come to condemn the world, he came to save it (John 3:17).

"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander." - 1 Peter 3:15-16

When an argument with another believer sprang up, i pulled out my Bible and opened to John 8, in which Jesus says to an adulteress, "Neither do I condemn you. Go now and leave your life of sin." What a sweet reminder that i wasn't crazy, and what i was saying defended the gospel. She told me she wasn't listening to anything i said, and i wished she would, like Paul (the author of the Philippians verse above), "share in God's grace with me." Paul longed, with the affection of Jesus, for the people to share in the abundant life he had found. This method of confrontational evangelism without love seemed to lack the appealing charm that drew sinners to Jesus. The woman was challenged with more scripture, so she walked away from us and stood twenty feet away, holding her sign and texting.

A student named Xavier had been standing next to her the whole time and now started talking to me. Xavier was not a Christian but told me that what i had done was cool. i asked if he saw all Christians as harsh and stubborn, and he said no– he believed that love was what separated his definition. When i asked who he thought Jesus was, he explained to me that he thought Jesus' stories were metaphors about how to live morally-right lives. i told him i believed Jesus had walked the earth and that He was God's son who had come to die so that we might live. Xavier and i showed mutual respect and we talked about the evangelists some more before realizing we had been there for an hour. i asked if he would pray with me, so together with my other friend and one more student i prayed for us and the people around us.

"He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it." - Titus 1:9

i left with a ton of thoughts going through my mind, wondering if anyone would hear their message and long for the joy that Christ brings me. God makes beautiful things come from anything, and although i felt satan's presence there i believe that God is always victorious. On my walk home i prayed that people would be touched, whether by them or by conversations with students like Xavier through believers like me who felt convicted to stop and participate. Our college campus is very progressive and science-based. There is also a revival happening here and it is a full-on battle. This was my first real taste of what it means to defend Jesus, and it was hard because there was truth in what was being proclaimed. So this is why God has given me a hunger for knowledge. i left campus wanting to read and know more scripture, so that i could always be prepared to give an answer.

"let us not glide through this world and slip quietly into heaven, without having blown the trumpet loud and long for our redeemer, Jesus Christ. Let us see to it that the devil will hold a thanksgiving service in Hell when he gets the news of our departure from the field of battle." - C.T. Studd

undeserving

i spent the afternoon at Zilker Park and couldn't help but give God the credit for creating such a beautiful day! The clouds, trees, trails and swans on Town Lake all pointed to Him. i got to refill my tank with wonderful silence and refreshing conversation. Why did He give me this day? 

Just because He loves me way more than i deserve.

You my King, i'm glorifying.

Enter my heart daily, Lord captivate me.

Be my breath, vital to live.

i surrender all of my beautiful mess.

i may be undeserving,

but Father 

your mercy sets me free.

Let me go share the news:

We are saved because of You.

You forgive when i confess

that i am not worthy of your grace.

Walk with me, Lord every step.

Let me be a beacon for your light.

Because i may be undeserving,

but Father 

your mercy sets me free.

Let me go share the news:

We are saved because of You.

i may be undeserving

but Father and Son

you've set me free.