A week ago two friends and i drove to College Station to go to a Breakaway girls event. Breakaway is a weekly gathering where thousands of Texas A&M students come together to worship and listen to the truth be taught. Being in one place with a thousand girls was special and pure. One song caught my attention but didn't sink in until after the message
when the band came back to the stage. The lyric said something about
having hope although darkness may be ahead.
i realized that i had been hearing this message a lot lately. Why would i notice something like that? The scary part was that the first image that came to mind was my brothers. Dan and Matt are twins, sophomores in high school, and probably some of my best friends in the world. Thinking of darkness coming and then seeing them was not comforting and i was suddenly gripped by fear. i knew that God sometimes gives us periods of joy and growth and simplicity in order to prepare us for a time of struggle and i instantly began to cling to my peace. This must be the calm before the storm.. i was so sad to think that. My fear for my brothers snowballed and made me realize they're closest to my heart in this world. What if something happened to one of them and i had failed them as a sister? As i've matured, i now see death as a victory, but this burden was physically weighing me down. i had never feared the future like this before.
Later that night i was able to talk to a wise friend and together, with the Lord totally guiding our conversation, we came to somewhat of a conclusion. Fear is not something God puts in us. He commands us over and over in the Bible, "Do not fear." Around 365 times in fact.. enough for every day of the year. Perhaps satan was trying to attack me in such a holy moment, because i felt like this coming trouble was in my control and i was losing my hold on it and there was nothing i could do. There's both a lie and a truth there. Nothing is in my control, praise God for that. Every day i need to surrender, open my hands and give the reins to my Father because here is the truth: there is nothing i can do on my own. All i can do is let go and allow God to direct my path. i need to be thankful for this calm because it is a blessing and i did nothing to deserve it! How can i be so selfish that i deny His commands and hold tight to what i think is best
when He is the creator of eternity?
The day after i got back to Austin, i received the daily text from my church at home.
"The Gospel (good news) is that we can trust in what God has done for us in Jesus
and we need not fear death."
It will be interesting to see what comes now. God might have used my moment of weakness in College Station just to remind me of who is in control. Who knows if something is actually coming that will wreck my pretty little world, but by the grace of God i can say that i will cling only to Him, and glorify Him all the way till i make it home.
when the band came back to the stage. The lyric said something about
having hope although darkness may be ahead.
i realized that i had been hearing this message a lot lately. Why would i notice something like that? The scary part was that the first image that came to mind was my brothers. Dan and Matt are twins, sophomores in high school, and probably some of my best friends in the world. Thinking of darkness coming and then seeing them was not comforting and i was suddenly gripped by fear. i knew that God sometimes gives us periods of joy and growth and simplicity in order to prepare us for a time of struggle and i instantly began to cling to my peace. This must be the calm before the storm.. i was so sad to think that. My fear for my brothers snowballed and made me realize they're closest to my heart in this world. What if something happened to one of them and i had failed them as a sister? As i've matured, i now see death as a victory, but this burden was physically weighing me down. i had never feared the future like this before.
Later that night i was able to talk to a wise friend and together, with the Lord totally guiding our conversation, we came to somewhat of a conclusion. Fear is not something God puts in us. He commands us over and over in the Bible, "Do not fear." Around 365 times in fact.. enough for every day of the year. Perhaps satan was trying to attack me in such a holy moment, because i felt like this coming trouble was in my control and i was losing my hold on it and there was nothing i could do. There's both a lie and a truth there. Nothing is in my control, praise God for that. Every day i need to surrender, open my hands and give the reins to my Father because here is the truth: there is nothing i can do on my own. All i can do is let go and allow God to direct my path. i need to be thankful for this calm because it is a blessing and i did nothing to deserve it! How can i be so selfish that i deny His commands and hold tight to what i think is best
when He is the creator of eternity?
The day after i got back to Austin, i received the daily text from my church at home.
"The Gospel (good news) is that we can trust in what God has done for us in Jesus
and we need not fear death."
 |
| My mom sent me this Dolly Parton quote without knowing my struggle. Funny how God uses people to send us messages. |
It will be interesting to see what comes now. God might have used my moment of weakness in College Station just to remind me of who is in control. Who knows if something is actually coming that will wreck my pretty little world, but by the grace of God i can say that i will cling only to Him, and glorify Him all the way till i make it home.
 |
| Thankful to love on Dan and Matt and be their only big sis in the world. Photo by Annie Whitehead. |
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